There are few situations that are repeatedly observed these days. All related to people management and how people perceive things as per their own wish and understand the so called ‘rule book’ with their view and try to apply it to all for all conditions.
The first one, to put in a better way, to start with the famous personality, the very embodiment of ‘Idhaya Surangathul Yethanai Kelvi’ personality; the person who is always concerned about what and how things are happening in other people’s life. Many girls should have faced this. Especially, Single Child, mostly a girl or all only girl children family. The question they ask is “You are only child. What your parents are going to do after your marriage? Paavam”, “How this situation is going to be managed?”, “It is not good for your parents to live along with you after marriage”.
Seems the person didn’t get to see many broad minded people out there. Marriage is not the end of a journey but is a part of this beautiful journey. The current generation sees this with a better outlook just that being vulnerable is bit of a hindrance which has to be worked on. Guys and girls are matured enough to understand that both side parents are equally important. Yes, it is not good for anyone to keep ‘Sammandhis’ in the same house forever. Simply for the reason is that both sides’ freedom and individuality might crumble and the respect may be lost and no two matured personalities in this world would try to hamper another person’s peace and freedom. It is absolutely okay to have them nearby and many guys, in laws do understand this aspect.
Most of the time staying away at a distance saves any relationship rather staying close and fighting always. The point to be wondered is, the person who asks such questions has a daughter and a son both settled in abroad and they aren’t planning to return to India. At least single child who is residing with in India is just a call away, just few hours of travel away. In what way Single Child Parents are really Paavam? and in what way having two children and both in foreign is Punniyam? is still a million dollar question.
The second personality is a warming personality. An elderly man, ever smiling gentle man and all his children are settled in foreign. He used to come to park for walking and always share his experiences in a lovely manner. He keeps himself engaged after his retirement and ‘Take each day and get busy’ is his motive. He has never lost his smile to my knowledge but was sad the day his son called him and said to move with him. The elderly man has already been there for short stints and has felt that the surroundings are not comfortable for him and his wife and they feel like they are going to hostel rather a home.
Though he has his grandchildren there, he claims that they are in crèche and he has nothing to do productive there. He is happy and contented spending time in going to library, reading books and going to temple along with his wife and in later stage of their life it is okay for them to join an old age home rather going abroad. He tells, “My son fears that people will tell that his son is not taking care of them and hence are in old age home. But for me going to abroad feels like being in old age home and staying anywhere in India is like being in my home”. Here, the question arises. What is freedom?
The thoughts seemed never ending and suddenly this stuck. One of our professors used to call for discussion after distributing answer sheets after every mid-term test and can freely discuss with him on all aspects ‘Why he hasn’t given marks for a particular question?’, ‘Areas of improvement’, ‘Areas of expertise’ and all. In one such discussion happened to ask him why he has not awarded full marks for a two mark question but had given a 0. The question was to write the definition of ‘Instantaneous reaction’ with an example. He smiled and asked to find the reason for the same. And it never stuck. He went on to explain that I haven’t mentioned the term ‘Standard Temperature and Pressure’.
He said,” To you it may seem baseless now but it has its own value”. He stated that “While conducting experiments it is not mandatory to conduct in the way stated in rule book. I may conduct the experiment in minus one degree Centigrade and the reaction will not be instantaneous that time. So it is not about the rules. It is about the condition in which you conduct the experiment and one is obliged to mention the temperature and pressure the experiment is held and based on the conditions should analyze the results. When you don’t mention the conditions of experiment it is hard to analyze the results. It is for science. It does suit well for life too. Your Standard Temperature and Pressure need not suit mine but should respect that to know in how many ways better results can be achieved.” Makes perfect sense anytime!
The standard conditions of temperature and pressure isn’t a rule book and there are always exceptions and sufficient freedom to conduct experiments in any conditions without hampering another person’s peace for no reason, can definitely be extrapolated to get better results and can be followed if it brings peace to both parties.
P.S. For any third party, before questioning, it is good to know under what conditions the experiment is conducted rather just arguing from the point of rule book all the time and it is equally important to know one isn’t obliged to give an explanation all the time.